Good Grief Charlie Brown! Busted for Stalking?

The man who did the voice for Charlie Brown has been arrested for stalking. What’s next?

If we imagine Peanuts as real people, let me see if I can predict what might become of a few members of the Peanuts gang:

Lucy van Pelt: She is convicted in her early 20’s for practicing psychiatry without a license and given probation. She later makes national headlines for when she embezzles millions from stockholders for her start up boutique Crayon Company. After a brief stint in prison, she marries a number of wealthy men. But, Lucy went black widow, when 5 of her husband’s turn up dead from various accidents and mysterious illnesses. She is finally apprehended by police after the death of her latest husband, a retired pro football quarterback, who was killed when his glass encased football falls from its shelf striking him on the head. The case was broken when Lucy’s fingerprints were found on the ball.  

Pig-Pen: His whereabouts are unknown.

Frieda: Started her own line of hair products designed to produce naturally curly hair. She eventually dyed her hair blond claiming to be tired of the world’s jealousy over here naturally red curly hair.

Sally Brown: After a failed career as a medical assistant, she went on to work as a teacher’s aide at a school she thought was attractive. She believes she in engaged to Linus van Pelt and is waiting for him to call her about a part in a TV program he is producing.

Peppermint Patty: Currently in a federal prison of trafficking marijuana. She was arrested in Oregon driving a big rig without a commercial license while carrying 10 tons of cannabis. The police became suspicious of her when she presented her Tibetan pilots license instead of her driver’s license. Her defense, at trail, was that she thought she was in California.

Linus van Pelt: Earned his PhD in Philosophy and Theology from Oxford University. After a successful career marketing textiles for a number of major manufactures, he goes on to create one of America’s leading self help reality TV shows, “Your Life is Justified.” He is later found guilty in a federal case where he was identified as the king pin of a counterfeit Martha Stewart merchandise smuggling operation dealing in blankets and towels. His next reality TV series is due out next year. It focuses on helping people who are trying to overcome OCD. It is rumored to be named, “Be Your Own Great Pumpkin.”

Schroeder: Killed in tragic accident when a piano fell from a ten story apartment building in New York. He had just moved into the building after his divorce from Lucy van Pelt.

Snoopy: Re-homed several times, Snoopy is 428 in human years. He is living on a ranch in Montana where he claims his long life is due to a diet of pizza, popcorn and marshmallows. He keeps a clean dog house with a heated roof to prevent icicles located in a yard clear of tall weeds. He is currently working on satirical biography of Manfred von Richthofen.